Many people believe that the fear and desire for objects, people, places, experiences, are the primary motivating forces for human life. On a surface level, that theory may work. However, fear and desire are two motivations for all things, that are propelled towards the same thing: wholeness and oneness, and, and therefore, loneliness.
When we speak of loneliness, we generally speak of it in terms of a negative feeling or experience. It is because of loneliness that we seek out the company of others. It is because of loneliness that we want to belong. It is because of loneliness that we avoid doing anything that might remind us of the feelings of loneliness. We fill our days with activities and vacations and music in our years, with videos and streaming services, with games and chatter and politics. But because all these things remove ourselves from true Self, they cause enormous amounts of suffering that we end up blaming on others, projecting the causes on political characters, and even going so far as to blaming God himself.
It is for this reason that loneliness is not the cause of suffering, but it is the fear of loneliness that causes the suffering and the actions we take that perpetuate it even further. No matter what we do to belong or to be liked or to have people around us, the loneliness doesn’t go away except for maybe brief moments. Addiction and attachment to certain experiences and people are used in order to help us run from this loneliness. People live entire lives running from loneliness and there desperation is only noticed by them when they finally reach their death bed and a sense of peace.
But what is this loneliness that we fear? Well, to put it simply, loneliness contains and conceals the One or the Whole of who you are. The more you run from it, the more you run from yourself. So, you see, you desire to be whole, and to be authentic and in alignment with who you truly are, and yet you simultaneously run from that because your lower consciousness, which is based on patterns of survival, fears being separated from the herd, the group, the community. The animal in you can’t bear to be alone, and so it forces your Self to dissolve and exit the body, the very Self that animates your intuition, your creative power, and your sense of Love.
As I have taught in this blog, you ARE a multidimensional being that is here on earth to learn how to master all the frequencies that you experience. You are here to make music, which involves creating a kosmos or cosmetically powerfully harmony that embraces all the frequencies of life. In order to do this, you need to assimilate and transmute all the frequencies that you have rejected in yourself, to heal those and work them in order to transform them into a living whole. This kosmos I am speaking of is a creative act that you are destined to create. Most of us are works in progress that have become extremely stuck in the lower frequencies and have chosen to give up Love for the sake of not feeling lonely.
And so many are frozen by the fear of loneliness, and that has them constantly seeking company, or support so that they feel more positive about themselves, to feel as if they belong and have purpose and function. So much of their lives are created temporarily in order to not feel alone. In those moments, where they seek the company of others in order to feel whole, they run further and further away from wholeness, and so perpetuating even more, the desire to be whole, and the momentum of finding the illusion of that wholeness in the arms of another person or people. Eventually, people become so entangled in the energy of others, that they completely lose sight of themselves and their inner being. At that point, they cannot even see the I in the We. This creates an enormous amount of what is known as karma. But karma is a form of soul-loss, the retrieval of which may have to be reserved for another lifetime. The more we distribute our energy through attaching ourselves to the matrix, the more we lose our sense of Self, even to the point of losing all sense of our own spirituality, our own being, and intuition. Modern human beings are in this very state, as the society is completely devoid of anything remotely sounding like Spirit.
Even spiritual communities today seem to come together in order “to find like minded people”. They are more interested in the running from loneliness than they are interested in the true spiritual journey, which is the education that we are all experiencing here on earth. Many strive to expand their senses, and begin to meddle in the energies of others in the name of “healing”. Be aware that some are simply being lead by their own desires to be useful, to avoid being lonely. When that is the motivating factor, they are doing everything but healing.
So let’s look at this loneliness as it is experienced. Loneliness is the reaction to separation from the whole, which happens when you incarnate on this planet. Even in this body, you feel yourself as being separate from others. And then, when you experience the Mind and the egos who have absorbed that Mind into their own Unit. All Egos are separate and that is why all egos seek to possess others in order to feel less separate. As a child, the egos are the master over you. You experience a complex form of separation manifested in something we call “society”, where Mind truly rules over matter in way that causes intense pain for those who are still aware enough to perceive the unity as presence. This conflict between Mind that separates and Spirit that unites is extremely confusing to a young child, as well as extremely traumatic. Everyone around them seems to be fighting or trying to control each other, and yet they see love present. Why are those who love me and each other, hurting each other? The child learn at a young age that love hurts and that it is by nature pain and separation and disappointment. The child is being introduced to loneliness and will find ways to avoid the feeling. And yet, still, he will be pulled towards it because it is somehow the key to finding wholeness and true love again. This is a huge distortion for children who witness this kind of cacophonic music. Some tune it out and find recourse to other things. Some turn to drugs and sex and alcohol. Some just try to be good and do the right thing, avoiding any conflict. Others fall deep into the ugliness, and surrender to it, and suffer even more deeply. Much of Seattle’s Grunge music is a wallowing in depravity. They follow their parents expectations, whatever they may be. Unfortunately, in today’s society, there is not much recourse to anything else. The final and last recourse is to let go and take the spiritual path you were destined to take. But taking this spiritual path requires you to be lonely and face this loneliness that you have avoided for so long.
Loneliness is your home.
Loneliness is all the stuff you hide from them in the dark places.
Loneliness is your own tears you mock and burn with fire.
Loneliness is the volume you raise in order to avoid listening to your heart.
Loneliness is the noise and busy-ness of life that consumes you.
Loneliness is the raw matter of you, that a mother once called useless.
Loneliness is all the pieces of your heart you gave away, leaving nothing for yourself.
Loneliness is all the self-abuse you committed and blamed on others,
when you decided that everyone is more lovable and powerful than you are.
Go home: return from whence you came, and where you store all your truths
and all your wisdom,
as a dragon on a pile of gold.
Allow only those who honor your home,
And wouldn’t dare soil its floors or its walls,
or seek to steal its treasures;
those who see and love the light of you,
the beautiful light that illuminates all dark spaces,
one light that is as their own.
Every time you run, every step you take away from yourself, is a self-betrayal. You will seek another to fill that void once again, and they once again will stab you in the heart. They are only, after all, following your lead. They will do to you what you have already done to yourself. You just don’t have the courage enough to be alone, to face loneliness, in order to see this.
To enter the realm of wisdom and consciousness, you must face your loneliness, and all the raw materials there. That is where you have left all of your life, and have chosen to instead project it onto others. You watch Stranger Things or the Matrix or Game of Thrones to relate to the story, the characters. You read books by Eckhardt Tolle in order to connect to his thought process, to no longer feel alone. You can, through the media, through the art of others, find yourself “out there” in the world. It resonates with you, you feel you need them to survive. You find a lover or a group of friends who also value you, and you feel good because you can’t give that to yourself. All of these things, however, will abandon you as sure as you yourself have abandoned yourself. You will always find the same experience over and over – until you finally choose to go home to Yourself and so to your loneliness.
When you return to your lonely attic and begin to see what your life has been about, and what you have created or not created, and how fast you have been running from you and yours, you will realize that you have a different story to tell. And you will tell it authentically and with power, because you have direct experience with all that is your own life. You will recover all the pieces of yourself that you distributed to others and projections of others. You will begin to create the life that you want from within the power of your Unity and Al-One-Ness. You will need nothing and no one. People will come in like clouds and leave like clouds. Thoughts come in and go. Life comes to be and dies away. Your death will arrive, and you will barely notice, because you know how much alive you have always been, and will be always.
Love to the all and blessings that abound.
Loneliness on the Spiritual Path
Soul in the machine 