To Kill with Kindness – Abuse as Ego

I’ve frequently spoken about programming in this blog, especially in relationship to mind and ego. It is a difficult topic to write about, as I am forced to use language about something that has absolutely no obvious or common form of reference. This is because the programming is hidden from the consciousness, just like your DNA programming is hidden from your consciousness; and must continue to be hidden, otherwise it wouldn’t work. The ego functions as identity, but it also functions as a defense mechanism to hide its own nature, which is not organic, but synthetic. When I write these articles, I am always attempting to help the reader open up even a little bit of this egoic veil. In fact, some may start to feel sleepy and tired while reading this – your ego doesn’t want you to listen. I know this. I invite you to continue to read- and stay awake. Boredom is not a function of things that are uninteresting; boredom is a function of ego that doesn’t want you to see what is behind the curtain.

In this article, I want to touch upon abuse programming and how it manifests in this world as a program. But first, I need to make clear how our knowledge of abuse- and our knowledge in general – inhibits our understanding and comprehension of it; and, thus, our ability to put an end to it.

Every word in the English language has defined formal boundaries. For those who are interested in how language became, not a mode of expression from root to branch, but a mode of programmatic definition and understanding that attempts to replicate nature through binary mental concept, I suggest you study Aristotle’s Physics and Metaphysics. Because language has become formulaic and replicative, modern readers have a very difficult time with poetry, as they are always trying to either create it with formulas or understand it with concepts. They literally don’t know how to do it any other way. Poetry is oracular in nature which means it expresses the being of something, not the existence of it or the particular manifestation of it. When people read it, they may say “it’s about this”. But the poem -as opposed to essay or prose – is not ever about this; it is always simply a reflection or expression of just what it is. Herodotus, the first Historian of this age, often tells us stories about kings who sent embassy to the oracle, in order to understand what they should do about something going on in their life or kingdom. Famously, many of the unwise kings misinterpret the poetic oracle, because they don’t understand what poetry is and they are attempting to understand it through their own egoic-limited advantage or definition.

In Plato’s Apology, Socrates tells us that he was inspired towards philosophy due to the oracle which told him: Know thyself! So, in trying to learn about himself, he sought out experts of this sort of thing, teachers of spirituality, philosophers, and sophists, just like today we seek out spiritual experts and guides. He realized that none can know himself better than he can, and so he also realized that his misinterpretation of the meaning of Self was located in the conceptual understanding of it as ego, and as object to the observation of others.

Now when it comes to understanding the concept of abuse, we are good at understanding it as object, and completely miss what it actually is, just as the ego always confuses existence for being, ego for Self, and object for presence. The problems that ego encounters, which constitute the source its suffering, are all, every single one, sourced in the ego itself. This is why it is absurd when the ego complains about God or asserts that God cannot exist because of all the suffering that seems to appear around him. Of course, egos, if happiness were appearing all around them, would credit themselves. Ego always makes God the devil, and itself God. Some are a little more honest and openly announce they worship Satan. Personally, I find this deeply amusing.

Furthermore, the ego cannot maintain itself without stories, without dramas. When it is the abuser, it will find good reason to abuse. When it is abused, it will do the same. In this sense, abuse becomes buried in other programmatic notions such as justice, righteousness, and even beauty or pleasure. People defend abuse because it is “business” or “the way things are done” or because “i like it”. They will justify their treatment of others through their own self-defense on social media, in conversations with friends, and a whole host of other ways. Ego spends a good deal of time talking to itself or others in a way that makes it feel “right” about whatever form of abuse it has committed. For most, there is underlying guilt here that can cause an enormous amount of subterranean rage and confusion. As this begins to percolate, the ego will seek out other egoic entities, in the form of religion or even political organization, or career, in order to make them feel powerful, in control, and justified in the neglect and abuse. The ego is more clever than a cat, when it comes to burying its own excrement. This is why many people in the public eye hire PR firms to manage their image. Propaganda is only necessary when the truth is something that shouldn’t be revealed. In society, most people shrug their shoulders when it comes to PR, as if it were a completely acceptable mode of business. They are not conscious of its relationship to abuse.

You can understand this even more clearly, when you learn the true meaning of abuse, which can be clearly identified through its Latin etymological roots, ab-usus. Abuse is a using of something in a way that is outside of its nature. Abuse can only happen to those who are treated as objects and where the abuse and abused allow a treatment that is inappropriate to who they are. The abuser uses those objects in a way that is not good for them, but in a way that appears good to the abuser. An abuser can abuse a pencil by using it to dig holes in hard clay. An abuser can use a child as a punching bag. An abuser can treat you as if you are a paper milk carton; when you are depleted, you are then easily discarded. A company can pretend to care about its employees as human beings when times are good and treat them like machines when times are tough. When you look deeply into the definition of abuse, into its oracular nature, you can see that the condition for abuse requires that both abuser and abused, during the moments of abuse, ignore or are made to forget their true nature – as Self, as divine, as sacred. The abuser keeps on abuse because the abused lets them. This is even, of course, more prevalent in children who are abused because they are so young and helpless.

But if you look at this long enough, you begin to realize that all is one, and all roads do not lead to Rome, but to Rome that is a form of Ego. Abuse is the modus operandi of the ego, because the ego treats the world and people in it as objects, either to be discarded or conquered. Some are useful to it, and others not as useful. These categories are always present in the mind of ego, and individuals around the ego can – in a split second -shift around from being useful, decorative, or important, to the very opposite of these things. It is quite common to receive good treatment from someone, and the next day be completely ghosted or even criticized. The abuser himself experiences these shifts automatically, like breathing and generally has no control over what he is seeing in the world. This is why so many egos complain about “the way the world is”. That is because they do not perceive their active role in its creation. The abused meanwhile, is one that has succumbed to experiencing this form of abuse and the abuse that arises from it. He or she has accepted it as natural and will cope or surrender to it, in their own individual way. All of society today has learned to cope with the inherent abuse that the ego inflicts on itself and on others as it sees fit. As I have said in other posts, the ego is by nature, a contradiction that holds both opposites within itself. The contradiction of ego cannot end up in any other form other than narcissism and abuse. Can you already see how abuser and abused are nearly identical in nature, as one and the same coin? I discuss this further in Separation illusion: the unity of narcissist and victim.

In modern life, and in particular social life, as governed by governments and corporations in tandem, the mode of operation is essentially abusive (egoic) and are, all of them, accepted as business as usual. The easier it is for the abused to leave the abuse, the more the egoic entity will counterbalance the abuse with kindness. To kill with kindness: that is the superpower of the ego.

Now what I am saying here doesn’t mean that each individual must tolerate the abuse if they are going to participate in society. They don’t have to, but to overcome it is to overcome the currents of this modern world, in all aspects, to no longer accept abuse as a mode of operation or as a valid way to relate to anyone or anything. To be precise, the only way to actually overcome egoic abuse, is to no longer identify with the ego, and to awaken from its programming, to see and experience Self – not ego or other egos – as guru, as teacher, and as wise, of God. As you begin to relate more to yourself as Self and not as ego-object, you begin to see others in the same light. When abuse happens, no matter what scale, whether that is a government sending its citizens to war to die for its corrupt causes, or a lover ghosting you after a year of dating, or a friend betraying you, you know that truly we are all one, as the Self, and that the only abuser here is the ego itself, the chimaera, the lie, the ignorance par excellence. At that point, compassion is possible; true love is possible; and, even more, an inner strength that can overcome all conditions and all odds because you know and you feel that Self is divine, protected and love, always and forever.

Blessings XO