Learning to play in shadow and the light

I created my very first blog back in the mid-nineties, which was before the word “blog” was even invented. I was living in New York City at the time and was attending New York University, working on my MA in Greek and Latin language and literature. I had written poetry for years and I thought it would be a great idea to post them on a website, so I can organize, read them, and just feel like I was doing something with them. Back then, the information superhighway was pretty much reserved for those geeky enough to even bother traveling there. It was empty uncharted space. It didn’t feel busy or cluttered with advertisements as it is now. It was a great place to home your creations.

I loved writing poetry, although I didn’t have much interest in sharing them. I felt more me when writing than anywhere else. After I would write a poem, I’d feel as if I just cleaned my house from top to bottom. I felt refreshed. What I didn’t understand then, and understand now, is that I was being and functioning in a way that was natural to me. I suppose that you could say that I was fulfilling my purpose. Back then, however, I didn’t think of it that way. I was just writing poetry and felt a surge of energy while doing it. When I thought of purpose and reasons, I thought about my purpose and reasons in the eyes of others or in the context of the world: How can I contribute to the world? What career path should I take? How do I have better relationships? How can I make more money?

All throughout my life, I was experiencing these two aspects of my experience. One was me being me and doing so effortlessly when writing poetry and philosophizing; the other was me having to make sure that I show up in the world as someone desirable and productive for others. That dichotomy would cause enormous amounts of discomfort, crisis, and challenge for my life. No matter what I did or where I went, or what kind of success or friendships I had, I would also eventually experience that same fundamental crisis of who I am vs who I was trying to be.

So, why am I speaking about this? That crisis, which means “division” or “judgement” in Greek, is something each one of us experiences. Mind or ego will project that crisis onto others, transferring the cause of difficulty and pain onto people or places or things. But that is due to the fundamental illusion of mind and its direction by ego, who doesn’t want you to know the truth. The truth is, however, that you are the only one standing in the way of your own bliss, your own ability to flow effortlessly through life. Nothing here is hard or actually difficult. It is only difficult when we are trying to do things in ways that don’t come natural to us. Unfortunately, most of the people around us are doing just that. They are working hard, and learning how to compromise, making excuses for themselves and the situations of those around them. The ego-mind is very busy keeping people up at night, worrying, conjuring, conjecturing, fearing, and cultivating a prison which creates the bars, hides the keys, and makes life appear hard and certainly cruel. Some of us have dealt with this harshness by treating it as if it were a hero’s challenge, a badge of honor to walk through the fire. But what if I told you that you are looking at the wrong challenge? The challenge is actually learning how to clear the fire, not walking through it. Walking through it carries way too many risks; but if you can clear the fire, with water for example, then you can walk through the same area without getting burned!

Awakening is always about learning how to be ourselves, which is always easy. Something about the programming today has trained us to think that difficulty means valuable. What is that saying? No pain, no gain? Gain is what the ego seeks, because it doesn’t think it is enough, and thinks it needs more and more and more. Can you see how the ego-mind piles “stuff” on, letting more in, never cleaning house, because it doesn’t want to let go of its “gains”? When we are in the ego-mind, we are actually taught to fear who we ware, to keep it from showing up, to criticize, and suppress. It can get so extreme, that many will medicate, at the behest of the medical profession, in order to “cure” themselves of the problems that society has invented. This creates all sorts of fear and disease around life. Let me give you an example of how this works.

I work with both light and shadow, so whenever I meet someone new, I will usually see their light aspects. These light aspects show up as a kind of illumination, energy, that gets transferred through my heart and through my mind simultaneously. People are beautiful and resourceful, wise and witty. Although these days I do not pay much attention to what the mind says, in the past this was not the case, because I had no awareness around this happening. I just thought that person was interesting or someone I’d like as a friend. Okay, so great.

But it wouldn’t take long for me to also see the shadow side; the stuff that I really didn’t want to see, and the stuff they didn’t want me to see either. At the time, due to unconsciousness, I would react to it, just as much as I would react to their light. This didn’t play out well, because, well, the shadows are damn scary and they would conjure up my own shadows as well. Soon thereafter, the relationship or friendship was doomed to destruction. The mafia never gets along with itself, after all; and it certainly doesn’t get along with the angels.

Fast forward to my post awakening period. I work with shadow and light every day and at night. Oh yes, I see dead people, and I see the dead as they hang on the living; and I see the forms of those beings who want to pull the living into the darkness with them. Most of these entities, while in life, were in deep attachment to the earth, and didn’t let go when the body and the soul left. They linger on this plane, and usually attach to family members that are still living. I know that when people have sex, they allow the attachments of their partners to enter them. It is a powerful form of bondage that continues long after “break-up”. It can so quickly become a messy situation for everyone. It is also very common for people to let energies in through simply watching Netflix shows, certain movies, and music. It all depends on the boundaries or lack of boundaries that have been setup, consciously or unconsciously.

So, when I meet someone now, I am no longer afraid of what I see and, best of all, I know that what I am seeing is not that person as they are. Who they are is infinite soul, creator, and master of their energy. The physical person and the sleepy consciousness is a temporary condition. Regardless, I do have to tread a bit carefully. Sleepwalkers can be dangerous. I have had to learn very hard lessons about boundary keeping. As it stands, I have a kind of portal that is always available to me. I will see a spirit and tell it to leave, and it passes through the portal. They do not fail to deny me.

I want to emphasize, that who I am, in this regard, and who each one of us is, is not of this world in the sense that it will become a good career path. Career paths are strictly timeline/roll-playing stuff that has nothing to do with who we are as soul. However, the career path you are in will often reflect the kind of lessons that you need to learn in order to go the next level of awareness, in this life or the next. Once you learn that lesson, your career path will change. Whenever we learn anything, we will experience transformation in consciousness. This is where humanity gets pretty sticky. Most don’t like change these days. The comforts of our technology have caused us to resist our own evolution, and to also be the cause of most of our misery. Many have not put two and two together yet, and continue to cling onto careers, relationships, opinions, and roles that have already expired a long time ago. This sticky clinging causes a build-up, and actually, in its very action, inspires the individual to call for support to help get even more stuck in his ways. He is unaware of the door he has opened here: he will listen to music, wear clothes, fraternize with a specific kind of person, all in order to maintain the identity of the past. We see this in women quite clearly, when so many struggle to main the good looks of their youth, even at the risk of their own health through injections and surgery.

So as this is going on, my energy wants to clean it all up, and I do so on the higher planes, in the release of these energies, to those souls who request such a cleaning. When you interact with people in the physical-mental plane, you think you are doing something for them, like perhaps helping them move house. What you don’t realize is that your relationship to them is far more beautiful and profound than that. At a higher consciousness, you may be teaching them to trust and to learn how to rely on others for support. They may be in preparation for learning how to trust Source, to eventually trust what their own heart says. We learn all the virtues in order to learn how to be who we are without them. That is the teaching.

I write this blog, using words of course, to describe and document very challenging topics, most of which cannot even, in reality, be expressed through words at all. I realize this, and so I realize the limiting perspective that I can create with every word I write. I accept this limitation as part of my nature, and part of all our natures. We are, after all, not here to be didactic teachers to others, but simply as gentle guides, in ways that our lower ego cannot even fathom or comprehend. To the ego, to say that my purpose is in the creation of I AM, make no sense, and seems to be without content. But we are on the edge of horizon, or actually our words dance on the edge of the horizon, beyond which we can no longer see ourselves with mind or anything at all; and that is precisely when we begin to feel everything entire.

Thanking you for being here.

Blessings